


Damn You

by dis_one



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Anime), IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Not Canon Compliant, kinda ooc?, telenovela levels of dramatics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:14:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28497390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dis_one/pseuds/dis_one
Summary: Suddenly, it was as if he had laid eyes on a complete stranger. He held no hatred. He had no anger left. All he could see was a boy about his age trying to make peace with himself. Was I wrong all along? a small voice asked. If I hadn’t let my own issues get in the way, could I have come to see you as you are?(An alternate version of part 3 in which Haruka and Tenn actually confront each other about their past.)
Relationships: Isumi Haruka & Kujou Ten, Isumi Haruka/Kujou Ten
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	Damn You

**Author's Note:**

> I had this in my drafts for a looooong ass time, and I was kind of getting sick of leaving it with no real conclusion. I'm still somewhat conflicted about what I wrote, but oh well. 😂 
> 
> ALSO, to add onto the summary, this was supposed to be set before all the crazy shit Ryo pulls in part 3 btw.

The cheering from the audience was deafening. From above, the stage lights shone a harsh glare on the performers. Even so, despite the noise, despite the blinding glimmer of a live concert, the idols on stage were all grinning from ear to ear. They were destined for this. They had all staked years and years of their life to stand on this platform for a few hours. Haruka looked out at the crowd that surrounded his group, ZOOL. These nameless faces were completely enraptured with their music. His striking smile only further spurred the fans’ screaming, but little did they know what he was really thinking. Maybe it was the distance or maybe he had finally perfected his acting… Still, to the idols that stood next to him, they could see the mischievous glint in his eyes. 

More than wanting the fans to like him, Haruka wanted them to _need him._ While he could come and go as he pleased, the fans would be waiting like loyal pets until his next performance. The music he created with ZOOL would be a lasting drug in their system.

As the fans continued to throw their gifts on the stage, Haruka’s smirk widened. He was elated for the most twisted reasons. What did they know about him to love him like this? Trigger, one of the groups that also performed in this concert series, could sense a bit of the malevolence beneath Haruka’s expression. 

In particular, Tenn glanced at Haruka before resuming to talk sweetly to the fans. As he closed the show with his signature gesture- a shot to the heart- he could feel a pointed stare at his back as the other idols made their way off the stage. His smile remained unwavering until he was out of his fans’ view. Once the darkness of backstage engulfed him, Tenn’s smile faded away until he seemed like a completely different person. He could see the concern on Ryuu and Gaku’s faces when he arrived at their dressing room, but no matter how much Gaku tried to pry, he offered no explanation. It wouldn’t be necessary. As Tenn decided, he was going to handle it alone. After all, this was an issue between him and Haruka. 

Before Gaku and Ryuu could try to meddle further, Tenn quickly changed out of his costume and headed to ZOOL’s room. He held a polite smile crossing the hallway as techies and support staff were also passing by. They were none the wiser to his dilemma. Like Haruka, this was something Kujo had instilled in them, albeit in different ways. _No matter what,_ he had said. _Fans must never know the true emotions of an idol. To share your burdens and pain would shatter the dreams we give them. You would not be a true star. You would be a fake._

Tenn lived by these strict words. Once he arrived at the door of ZOOL’s dressing room, he knew that in some part, Haruka did too. With a few, polite knocks, Tenn was able to call the idol out to the hallway while the other members were still changing. Haruka did little to hide his irritation as he sized up his competition. 

“So? What did you invite me out here for?” he asked.

“If you have time tonight, I would like to speak with you privately. We… have a lot to catch up on,” Tenn explained calmly.

Haruka blinked at Tenn. While he had thought of a lot of scenarios involving a confrontation with Tenn, he had not expected this. His small frown deepened at the realization that he seemed surprised to the other idol. “Catch up on, huh? After all this time, you just get to decide we’re going to talk now?”

Tenn smiled at Haruka’s pointed questions. If he was going to be a brat, then Tenn would play on his terms. “I wanted to wait until you were closer to my level. Do you feel like you have gotten a taste now of what it’s like to be a true idol?”

The strategy worked out well as the younger idol forced a defensive smile. “Yeah, it has been a very enlightening experience, _senpai_.” His last words felt venomous, but what else could Tenn have expected from the person who sang _Poisonous Gangster?_

Haruka continued, “When should I meet you? I don’t want to trouble you since you seem so busy.” 

“Not at all. Thank you for accommodating my schedule even though I invited you… Does nine o’ clock sound reasonable?” Tenn replied coolly. At least he was over the first hurdle. He could figure out the rest once they were in a more private area.

Thankfully, Haruka agreed with the time, and before five minutes could pass, the two idols went their separate ways. To onlookers, it had looked like a pleasant conversation between idols, but when the two returned back to their groups, the members of Trigger and ZOOL immediately sensed the tension. Even though Haruka and Tenn both described it as “just business,” their dark expressions could have brewed storms.

* * *

The private meeting started out as badly as both had expected. Haruka had taken a taxi to the hotel Tenn was staying at for their live tour. Once he was accepted into the building, he took a quick look around before assuming a harsh scowl. _So this was what they could afford._ Even though ZOOL was making its way up the ranks of the idol industry, it still hadn’t gained a solid reputation by the time they held their concert. Tsukumo had booked ZOOL two average hotel rooms, expecting the members to divvy up who would share the space. At the thought, Torao reacted vehemently, immediately assigning each member their own bed and room in his family’s hotel chain. While Haruka secretly appreciated Torao’s initiative, he hated how the luxury had to come out of his family business and not the agency’s account. One thought crowded his mind as he made his way through the lobby of Tenn’s hotel.

_He lied. I’m still nowhere near his level._

Frustration stirred at his heart because Haruka knew he was inferior. Seeing Tenn only further deepened this loathing. The older idol was waiting for Haruka by the first-floor elevators. He had been focused on his phone as Haruka approached. The way his lashes framed his downturned eyes made Haruka’s stomach turn in knots. Even as Tenn looked up, the movement appeared refined, not at all like the jerky movements of a surprised person. _But he’s special,_ Haruka thought before he could stop himself. _He’s the one_ _Kujo kept after all._

With Haruka before him, Tenn sensed some agitation, and worry seized his chest at the thought of Haruka leaving without them talking. Still, he held his calm demeanor. “Shall we head up?” he asked politely. 

Haruka nodded, reaching over Tenn to push the elevator button. He studied the other idol’s face as he came in close. With their bodies barely a few inches from each other, time felt still. To Haruka’s surprise, Tenn made no move to create distance between them. His cat-like eyes held so much more depth up close. Haruka hated how his own gaze instinctively dipped down to avoid Tenn’s stare. He despised that he focused on Tenn’s lips instead. This wasn’t going according to plan at all. 

_Oh, you poor thing. How can you intimidate anyone if you’re this weak?_ His mind teased. 

At that moment, the elevator doors slid open, revealing an empty space. Silently, Haruka entered into the elevator first, relieved to have an opportunity to escape the trap he himself created. Tenn followed behind, maintaining a comfortable distance from him. Nobody else entered into the elevator as the doors slid shut. The seconds of it ascending felt crushing. 

* * *

Inside Tenn’s room, Haruka remembered what his grandma said whenever they visited someone’s house, “Always be courteous as a guest, Haruka. Try to strike up an interesting conversation, or if you can’t think of anything, a compliment never hurts.” He held a deep affection for her, but this time, he willfully suppressed this side of himself. This was a fight. What use was cheap, placating talk?

Haruka glanced around at the immaculate living room, noting the glass table that served as the main accent. On it, a few complimentary snacks were neatly piled in a basket. And arranged within the basket’s remaining space were letters. A few had overflowed onto the table, but none of them had been crumpled or mishandled. Tenn settled down in front of these letters, nimbly rearranging the basket to place the few that had slipped back in.

“Would you like anything to drink?” he asked as he finished. His gaze returned back to Haruka who stiffened.

“…how about we just make this quick?” replied the younger idol. After seeing how diligently Tenn kept his fan’s writings, he felt a sudden wave of nausea. The voice within him took the opportunity to make it worse. _Do you hate him more now? Or maybe, this remind you of yourself… before you listened to_ _Kujo and ruined not only your life but your grandma’s. You hate how his kindness was preserved and even encouraged. Why is he doing well when you worked so hard and had to return without a family, without anything to your name, only to go to an agency like Tsukumo’s? What did you do to deserve-_

“Actually,” Tenn’s clear voice cut through Haruka’s thoughts. “I was hoping we could… talk more casually, not only as idols but as people working towards the same goal. Please.” He swept a hand over the table, indicating the spot across from him.

Haruka felt the urge to tremble, but he made his way to the table. He sat down, a stoic expression crossing his face. Tenn was making things hard for him, but he wasn’t going to back down. He _had_ to win. He had to prove to himself that that voice was wrong. 

A few seconds of silence passed between them as Tenn’s words hung in the air. Naturally, it was Haruka’s turn to speak, but since he was so unwilling, Tenn was thinking of how to continue. He pursed his lips slightly, focusing his gaze on his hands as he came up with general topics. At least, he figured they needed a lead-in before they began to discuss the past. Deep down, Tenn knew that he was terrible at talking openly, but he didn’t want to admit it. There weren’t many moments in his schedule when he held casual conversations with people. In this moment though, he had to try harder than he ever had before. Glancing up, he could see Haruka shifting in his seat. 

“Are you sure you don’t want something to drink?” he asked again.

“I’m… fine. Thank you for your concern.” The last sentence didn’t seem sincere, but Tenn let it slide. 

“If you don’t mind then, I’m going to get water.” He stood up, glad to have more time to think about how to start the conversation. However, before Tenn could make his way to the room’s mini-fridge, Haruka leaned forward and grabbed his arm. 

“What are you doing?” asked Tenn, his tone suddenly shifting away from the politeness he held for his fans and people other than Gaku.

The boy in question looked up at Tenn defiantly. “You said you wanted to talk and so, I sat down. But I said to make it quick and I meant it.” 

Tenn couldn’t help but snort in response. His fist loosened, and he placed his other hand on the table to lean towards Haruka. “Do I need to remind you where we are right now? If I want to get water in my own hotel room, then I have every right to. I don’t know how your group works, but we do not grab other idols in this industry.”

“I thought you said we were talking casually,” sneered Haruka. He sat up on his knees, closing the gap between him and Tenn. 

Tenn’s eyes flared. “If this leaves a mark, then we would have to talk- as idols.”

“Aw, and we wouldn’t want to have that, now would we?” Haruka dug his fingers in experimentally. He felt Tenn tense under his grip and his own heart quickened as he felt the idol’s heartbeat underneath his hand. He held Tenn’s gaze as he continued, “Your skin must be made of porcelain if it can be tarnished so easily.” 

Tenn smiled down at Haruka, an eerily serene expression crossing his expression. “Oh, you don’t understand. If anyone is going to get hurt…” he whispered. “It’s you.” 

Haruka was about to say something, but in a sudden flash of movement, Tenn had pressed his weight onto Haruka. The younger boy toppled back and looked up in a daze. Tenn had vaulted over the low table and was now straddled over Haruka’s hips; his free hand restrained Haruka’s other hand. 

“Do you understand your place now?” Tenn asked, his voice a dangerous purr.

Haruka felt a strange heat snake through his entire body. He smiled through the increasing fear hammering an unsteady beat in his chest. “Yeah, it’s definitely not under _you._ ” he hissed back, bucking up from his place on the ground. The violent motion unseated Tenn. As he fell to the side, Haruka used the opportunity to wrench free his restrained hand. As the two were now on the same level, they quickly realized that the person who could take control over the other would be the winner. The two boys’ hands reached out and tangled themselves in an attempt to gain the first advantage. Haruka and Tenn’s legs soon followed, creating a mess of limbs.

Tenn could hardly believe the situation he had gotten himself into. _You are too old to be playing Twister,_ his mind quipped. Still, he continued to grapple with Haruka because the thought of losing won over his desire to seem mature. He had to teach this new idol that there were hierarchies in this industry. There were years of work and sacrifice that a person couldn’t just brazenly disregard. Respect had to be paid where it was due. As his breathing became ragged, Tenn looked into those rebellious amber eyes and felt a rush of adrenaline.

“It’s useless… to struggle,” he said.

Haruka laughed, although it sounded more like panting at this point. “Then why are you fighting against me, Tenn? If it’s so much trouble, just _surrender.”_ He grabbed a hold of the other idol’s wrist.

Tenn gritted his teeth. “You really are thickheaded. A person who starts a fight and tells the other to give up is just a bully. I’m not going to submit to someone who doesn’t understand others at all.”

Something in Tenn’s words struck a nerve. Haruka’s body stilled and he asked in a voice barely above a whisper, “I don’t understand others…?” He pulled away from Tenn, a strange mix of pain and anger crossing his face. 

“What?” Tenn incited, his own frustration getting ahead of himself. “Surely, this isn’t news to you? All I wanted out of this exchange was to talk… and yet, here we are.”

Haruka shook his head in disbelief. “…don’t act like this is none of your fault. Ever since you’ve come into my life, you’ve been…” He paused. The voice in his head returned, _Go on. You can’t keep being soft forever. He did you wrong, didn’t he? Why hesitate in telling the truth?_

Tenn continued. “I’ve been what? If you have an issue with me, speak up.”

“Wow…” scoffed Haruka. “And you tell me I’m thickheaded… Maybe you don’t remember, but _you_ were the reason I got replaced, Kujo Tenn. Before I could even become a full-fledged idol, Kujo told me he had found someone else. He told me he was going to teach you, the only one who could live up to his standards… his son.” A small, harsh laugh escaped his lips. “I couldn’t even convince him to let me stay by his side. Do you know how that feels? To have someone seem like family to you, to care for you and praise you… only for them to suddenly turn around and say that you’re a failure?”

Tenn could not reply.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Haruka shook his head. His hair had become disheveled, falling over his eyes. Still, they both knew that he was hurt. “It was on a day when I had just finished a musical too. I thought I did everything right. I was so happy to see him, but the way he looked at me… He had nothing to say except a short goodbye because I failed him. You wouldn’t understand though. He _kept_ you.”

Tenn’s lips parted, but no sound came out. He knew that this conversation was going to be ugly. When he invited Haruka, he knew they would eventually have to bring up their troubled pasts. Even if Tenn hadn’t intentionally caused the other boy’s downfall, they were still entangled. Yet, Haruka’s words cut deep. The memory of hospitals and a small hand holding his flashed in his mind. _I understand, maybe more than you will ever know._

“Now you don’t have anything to say?” Haruka pushed. “Come on, you wanted to know, so, I told you. Your success was based on my failure. With me out of the picture, you could be everything Kujo wanted.”

“That’s not true,” Tenn said quietly.

“What?”

“I’m not perfect.”

The other idol hesitated. He recognized the emotion behind Tenn’s gaze. After all, he had felt it all this time. Still, to acknowledge it would uncover something that he was not willing to confront. “This is not the time to act humble,” laughed Haruka.

“I’m not,” Tenn asserted again, a tinge of desperation in his voice. “I’m just trying to talk to you- as people.”

Haruka’s amber eyes narrowed then averted to the floor. He snapped, “You don’t seem to act that way. On and off stage your eyes just...” _Look past me,_ he wanted to say, but the same embarrassment- the one that made him freeze up at the elevators- stopped him again from speaking further. What was it about Tenn that made him so worked up? Why did he _want_ Tenn to notice him? Weren’t they enemies?

_No, I can’t think about this- I don’t want to do this anymore,_ he decided. Haruka’s hands moved across the plush carpet, mindless yet focused on distracting him from the reality of the situation.

“Haruka?”

He would not speak, and he could feel Tenn’s gaze linger on him. It wasn’t physical, but Haruka felt marked by the other boy’s stare. Time seemed to slow and feel gum-like through its passage. Haruka’s breathing became more and more quiet until it felt like he wasn’t breathing at all.

He heard Tenn move quietly somewhere. Glancing up secretly, he saw the older idol had grabbed two bottles of iced water. He offered one as he came back to where Haruka was sitting. Surprisingly, Haruka accepted it without a fight; the conflict from before left him feeling parched and suddenly empty.

For a few moments, Tenn and Haruka sat in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. What was there left to say? And how could they even hope to resolve whatever it was they had against each other, now that everything was so messed up? Tenn felt a twinge of pain start to form in his temples; this was getting far more complicated than he had anticipated.

A low, tired laugh escaped his lips. He couldn’t see a viable way out of it.

Haruka was fully looking at him now, an expression of both worry and anger distorting his handsome features.

  
“What?” said Tenn.

“...nothing.” Haruka fidgeted, unsure of his words. “It’s just, I’ve never seen you like this.”

Tenn breathed slowly. “I usually don’t get worked up to this degree. You know... I meant it when I said I want us to talk as people.”

“We have been,” Haruka quietly replied, pressing the bottle on his forehead and feeling the beads of water mix with his sweat. “I just don’t think we’re going to understand each other.”

“Maybe so…”

The two sat in silence again, each having so much to say but not knowing how to proceed. Even though the night was approaching its darkest hours, it felt like they had run in circles.

_And what does that remind you of?_ Tenn thought. The answer always came back to that small hand and to someone he thought he knew. Perhaps, it was his arrogance that made him believe he had everything to gain by leaving. In the end, Tenn couldn’t even say with confidence that he did the right thing. He didn’t want this to be another moment he had to look back at with bitterness.

Slowly, with those memories, Tenn surrendered, unfolding his hands before the other idol. “...I know we’re both tired. Our conversation hasn’t been... very productive so far and it seems like we’ve both reached our limit, but just this once, will you please listen to what I have to say, Haruka?”

And maybe it was the gentleness with which Tenn called his name or the fact that the voice inside his head was finally quiet, but Haruka didn’t run away. He placed the bottle at his side and focused on Tenn. Suddenly, it was as if he had laid eyes on a complete stranger. He held no hatred. He had no anger left. All he could see was a boy about his age trying to make peace with himself and Haruka.

_Was I wrong all along?_ another much smaller voice asked. _If I hadn’t let my own issues get in the way, could I have come to see you as you are?_ He waited for Tenn to continue, barely breathing, wondering.

“I want you to know that I’m sorry,” said Tenn. “You didn’t deserve to be treated like that by Kujo. When I accepted his offer, I didn’t know the pain you were going through. All I could think about was earning the money to take care of my family’s debt. At the time, I would have done anything to protect their livelihood. But you’re right. It came at the cost of you and your life.”

Tenn moved back. With his hands placed on his thighs, he bowed deeply. “I realize that this apology will not alleviate the troubles you and your group have gone through to get to the same stage as mine. So, if there’s anything that I can do to ease your pain, please... don’t hesitate to tell me.” 

Haruka was unable to speak. As he stared at Tenn, his mind raced with the possibility of how to respond.

“...Haruka?”

The younger idol knew all along. _I want to be with you. I want to **be** you. _He saw everything he admired in Tenn. He saw all of his wasted potential and dreams in those kind, cat-like eyes. He saw his grandmother lying in a hospital bed with no one by her side. He saw Acchan resuming her lessons without him. He saw his twelve-year old self, the one who was so determined to be known and praised by everyone. And now, seeing his life mirrored so perfectly yet in a brighter light, he felt something deep within him tear apart. Before he could contain his emotions, they overflowed, spilling onto the plush carpet of Tenn’s hotel room.

“You’re not fair,” Haruka managed to say. His vision had blurred, making everything look muddied and far away. He wanted to curl up and hide from everyone.

“Why now? After all this time, why did I have to shoulder the pain by myself?” he cried out, lowering his head as the tears kept on falling.

Tenn gazed up from his bow at Haruka. An honest expression of sadness crossed his face. He wanted to speak, but his throat was painfully tight. It felt like someone had put their hands on his neck, squeezing until he couldn’t breathe. He hated watching Haruka cry. 

The air hung heavy, punctured intermittently by his ragged sobs. Haruka tried to cover his face, but Tenn gently reached out, caressing the boy’s cheek. The touch was soft and careful as if the older idol was handling glass. He tilted up Haruka’s reddened face. In a weak attempt, Haruka grasped at Tenn’s wrist, wanting to escape from the embarrassment. Tenn did not relent though, his hands firmly holding Haruka.

Tenderly, in the same way he comforted someone long ago, Tenn wiped away Haruka’s tears. He could feel the other idol tremble, trying his best to hold in his cries. Although Tenn found it endearing, he knew it was more important to reassure Haruka that it was alright to let out his frustrations. He swept apart Haruka’s bangs and placed a light kiss on his forehead.

“It’s going to be ok,” Tenn murmured, bringing him in close.

“How?” whimpered Haruka.

“It- well... I…” Tenn’s words trailed into silence. _How? Well, I should know how. I should know this._ He held Haruka, a strong wave of fear and panic washing over him. If he continued to hesitate, the younger boy would retreat like an injured animal to a place where Tenn couldn’t reach.

_Riku, if you were here, what would I say to you? If you needed me, how would I explain why I decided to do the things I did?_

He struggled. He listened to Haruka sniffling. He took a shaky breath.

“When I first lived with Kujo, I spent the nights curled up, trying not to make a sound. I needed to make it, but I didn’t know if I could. It wasn’t Kujo that kept me on this path even though he has always given me his support. It was my family. It was Trigger. Without them, I would have been lost.”

Haruka choked out a tragic laugh, “I don’t have anyone like that.”

  
  
“It takes time,” said Tenn. “But you will get there. Whether you planned to or not, people will end up in your life... and some will stay because they see something in you that’s worth staying for. Even when you’re falling apart and your worst self, they will gladly give a piece of themselves to make you happy again.”

“That’s so stupid,” cried Haruka.

“That’s love,” said Tenn, leaning into the crook of Haruka’s neck. “I used to think that keeping my distance was the best thing I could do for the people I cared about. After a while, I became so used to it that I thought I had reached perfection. But... deep down, I was scared. I didn’t know what would happen if I tried to step out of the boundaries I created. I pushed a lot of people away in the process, but some were stupid enough to save me... every single time. They could see that I was going to a dark place, and they were brave enough to tell me I was wrong. I will never be able to repay them in this lifetime.”

In a quiet voice, Haruka asked, “Do you need to repay them?”

Tenn could sense the sincerity behind the question, each word a tentative step towards laying bare a raw spot he had not let anyone else see. He appreciated it, and he wanted to honor it.

He answered, “No... no, I suppose not. They wouldn’t expect that from me, as friends, as family.”

“...mm.” Haruka’s breath hitched. “Hey, Tenn...”

“Yes?”

“How long will I have to wait until... I find people like them?”

“I’m not sure... but if you are anything like me, you will have to let people in first. Your group members, your classmates, your peers... You will be surprised by how many people will come to your aid if you allow them to.”

Tenn paused, his hands absently rubbing Haruka’s back. He pulled away and looked at the younger idol, slightly worried. “You might not like my company, but in the meantime, as you figure out who is precious to you, I will be here.”

Haruka stared back at Tenn.

“Is that ok?”

A pause.

“Haru-”

“That’s more than enough.” said Haruka. A tired, but beautiful smile graced his lips. He rubbed at his eyes. With his arm covering his face, he mumbled, “Thank you… Tenn.”

And even though Tenn deeply respected his guardian, he couldn’t help but think that he made a grave mistake. Of all the things he could have done, forsaking this boy shouldn’t have been one of them. He was sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Siri, cue "In the Meantime" by Trigger.


End file.
